Joker's wild
by Jocose
Summary: Torchwood end up with a strange 'guest' in the cells
1. Chapter 1

The rolling door closed noisily behind him, Jack made his way up the steps to the platform, he paused, no one else seemed to be about, he could hear the sound of a voice coming from the autopsy room, crossing towards it's archway, he walked onto the landing and looked down to the work area.

Owen Harper was leaning against the end of the autopsy table, his arms folded across his chest, silently watching the projected image of the computer display.

"Busy?" Jack asked.

Owen glanced up at him, "Not really," he sighed. "Thought at first he'd come in through the rift, but looks more like a nice normal psycho, so we can hand him over."

Jack glanced at the display, it showed one of the cells- and it's occupant- as he paced around, talking to himself.

"He doesn't look..." Jack stopped and stared, as the man moved out of the shadows and into the light. "Maybe he does," he said, changing his mind and leaning forward to get a closer look.

"You think he looks weird, you should see what he had in his pockets!" Owen said, nodding towards an assortment of objects, strewn across the table.

Jack moved quickly down the steps, "Are those what I think they are?" He enquired, pointing.

Owen winced, "Luckily... no," he said, "They're the wind-up variety."

Jack peered at a pair of larger than life, overly pink and white false teeth. Clearly having no intention of even _thinking_ of touching them, he murmured, "People buy teeth that wind-up?"

Owen shook his head. "They're a joke... sort of," he added, "They chatter and laugh," he said, mimicking their movement with his fingers.

"Teeth that move on their own are funny?" Jack said, baffled, "I don't think I'll ever really get used to this planet, just when I think I've got it taped, something like this crops up!"

Owen shrugged, "Anyway he's no ID on him, so we've got no clue who he is. Only thing with a name on, is the match book, comes from somewhere called Gotham, wherever the hell that is!"

Jack shook his head. "Never heard of it, get Tosh on it when she comes in- where is she by the way?"

"Car trouble, said she'd be late," Owen replied, turning back towards the display. "According to the scans, that isn't make-up by the way."

"Really?" Jack responded, "Doesn't look too unhappy about it!"

"Well from what I can tell- which isn't all that much- I don't think he'd be able to look miserable, even if he wanted to."

"How come?" Jack asked, his gaze fixed on the image of the prisoner pacing around in the cell.

"Somebody did something to his face and that's about all I can be sure of. It's possible it was an attempt at corrective surgery, but ... other than that your guess is as good as mine." Owen sighed, "Don't know who he's got to thank for it, but the poor sod has to smile his way through life, whether he wants to or not."

"There's no doubt he's human?"

"Definitely. If I were to guess, I'd say his body had been immersed in some kind of chemical mix, there's not a lot more I can say, I'd need to get a closer look, and judging by what he did to the arresting officers- I don't think I'm going to attempt that any time soon!" Owen said.

Jack raised his eyebrows, surprised, it wasn't often Owen thought something was too dangerous to investigate. "That bad?"

Owen winced, "He could give a Weevil a run for it's money."

Jack whistled, impressed, "So your not going to bother?"

Owen shook his head, "Nah, no point, he's not alien- he can be as weird as he wants, if he's not alien, he's not ours."

Jack nodded, "Probably best to ship him back where he belongs- wherever that is."

Owen turned and picked up a clipboard. "May as well go and have a word now he's awake, want to come?"

"Yeah, why not!"

Jack followed Owen out of the autopsy room and across the hub.

* * *

The figure in the cell stopped pacing when he heard the door opening, slipping into the shadows, he waited.

Owen walked up to the observation wall of the cell, looked like their latest visitor was feeling shy! Hitting the panel with the flat of his hand, he yelled, "Oy! Anybody home?" and waited.

Out of the darkness, a giggle echoed around the cell, then a voice said, "Nobody here but us mad men."

"Everyone's a comic," murmured Owen, then sighed and glanced towards Jack.

The figure suddenly threw himself against the panel, making Owen jump back. Jack moved forwards automatically.

"Ooh! Two!" The garishly coloured face contorted suddenly, the inane grin twisted, he pressed his face against the panel. "And then we were three," he giggled again, then winked at Jack.

Owen looked at the man briefly, a bored expression on his face, then re-checked his clipboard. "So, you come from somewhere called Gotham?"

The man sighed, then turned his back, leaning casually against the screen he folded his arms across his chest. "Well...." he said, drawling the word out slowly, then sniffing with derision.

Jack glared at the man, "We need to inform the authorities, from wherever it is you belong."

"Ooh!! " He grinned, eyes wide with mock delight, "American... I can do business with you," he announced, turning back and prodding the screen with his finger, "Get rid of the runt... I only deal with the organ grinder."

"Much as I hate to break up this little love fest," Owen murmured, then thumped the glass panel with his fist, making the prisoner turn his attention back to him, "I want answers."

"Really?" the man's voice was suddenly barely audible

"Yeah, really!" Owen replied, "You want to go somewhere better than this archaic hell hole, I suggest you co-operate."

The prisoner slowly approached Owen, as he moved he trailed his hand along the screen, poking one of his fingers into a ventilation hole, that was set into the security screen. Owen eyed him lazily, "I wouldn't bother if I were you mate."

The man moved rapidly forwards, his fingers pushed through the holes, then gripped against the screen as he attempted to wrench it towards him, his forehead pressed against the glass, face contorted with rage, he hissed, "I'm **not** your mate," back at Owen.

Owen smiled vaguely back at him, "What d' you know, a bright spark, in an otherwise depressing day!"

Jack pushed his hands casually into his pockets and wandered over to Owen, then smiled at the prisoner, "Y'know, I always think it's a bad idea to piss off the man most likely to set you free." Jack moved his hands from his pockets, then leaned closer to the screen and whispered, "He's a doctor, if he says you can go..." Jack wriggled his fingers, emulating wings flapping.

The grin on the other man's face seemed to slacken, his eyes narrowed, "I don't like bats," he hissed.

Owen raised his eyebrows in surprise at the response and glanced towards Jack, who looked equally baffled, "Remind me to set up some charades, I must be rustier than I thought."

"I'm sure the police will want to talk to you, you inflicted more damage than was wise on several of their colleagues," Owen leaned closer,"They could well be in the mood to make a point."

Fixing his gaze on Owen, the other man's smile shifted slightly, "You threatening me?" he enquired cheerfully.

Owen suddenly shrugged and moved away from the screen, "Nah, no need," he smirked briefly back, then added, "Plods R Us, can't wait to get their hands on you. You're of no interest to us, might as well sign you back into their loving arms."

Jack and Owen both turned away from the cell, they had only taken a few steps when their prisoner began banging on the screen and yelling.

"Alright all ready, I'll co operate, what do you want to know?"

"That was quick," murmured Owen, glancing at Jack and then turning back. "Name," he said, glancing down at his clipboard, then waiting, pen poised.

"Joker."

The pen hovered above the clipboard, "Yeah, aren't we all?"Owen murmured, "Forget it, let's get shut of him," and turned away again.

"I could tell you," the Joker said, eagerly, pressing against the panel and glaring at Owen's back. "But then I'd have to kill you."

Owen didn't bother to turn back towards him, instead he just said, "Really?"

Joker blinked lazily, "Well, that's what I had to do before."

Jack smirked and moved closer. "Fascinating as I'm sure you think that you are...." He said, fixing the other man with a cold stare, "I have _paperwork_, that's more interesting than you are!"

Joker's head suddenly jerked sideways and he moved back from the screen. "This, isn't interesting?" he demanded, arms outstretched.

"'fraid not-you're only human," Jack said, shaking his head.

Joker blinked, for a split second, unsure, the grin faded, then suddenly flashed back, "Mostly I'm referred to as an animal," he said, watching eagerly for the other man's response.

Jack turned away, disinterested, "Nah, wrong kind of inhuman."

Pursing his lips Joker watched Jack and Owen as they walked away, "I have some interesting friends- and some even more interesting enemies," he murmured, watching as the two men reached to main doorway.

Jack turned, shaking his head, "Not interested, sorry, times up."

Joker began hammering against the glass panel, desperate to get them to come back and provide him with more attention.

"You, **doctor**, aren't you just a little bit curious?" Joker demanded, clearly thinking he had more chance of attracting Owen's attention than Jack's.

Owen smirked, then nodded in Jack's general direction. "His decision... he's the one who grinds organs, I'm just a little monkey," he grinned at Jack, "Aint I boss?"

Jack pursed his lips and laughed, "Aint you just! We're done here," he announced, pulling open the door and marching out into the corridor, Owen close behind him.

"So what do we do with him?" Owen asked, as the door closed behind them.

Jack shrugged, "See what Toshiko can come up with, I know the local guys want him back, but frankly I'd rather see the back of him and the sooner the better."

"You and me both," murmured Owen, "He gives me the creeps!"


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, in the Tourist Information Centre, which provided Torchwood with it's only public facing entrance, all be it hidden behind a false wall, it's guardian was not having a good day.

Ianto nodded patiently at the man waving the map of Cardiff at him. "It does look a little out of date," he conceded, at the same time offering him a different (and up to date) one, while attempting to grab hold of the older version.

The man glared at him, "It's not good enough," he blustered, hanging onto the offending item like grim death.

"No, you're quite right, it isn't... but these things happen," Ianto said, smiling disarmingly back and trying to loosen the other man's grip on the map.

His back suddenly ramrod straight, the man demanded, "I want to see the manager."

"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment," he drawled in response, attempting to look concerned. "He's been called away on an emergency."

"_Really_?" The other man replied, folding his arms across his chest.

Ianto sighed, the map was now out of range and he was no nearer to getting rid of him.

"If you'd care to call back tomorrow, or there is of course..." he paused, reaching under the counter. "A complaints form," he announced, dropping a thick wad of forms in front of the man, then offering him his pen.

The man backed away slightly, just enough to give Ianto the idea that he had finally gained an advantage. Smiling winningly, he offered the replacement map once again. "Please, with our compliments," he said, then added quietly, "It is more expensive than the one you bought of course, but, well...."

The man's gaze flicked from the pile of forms to the new map.

"Yes, well, no point in making a fuss over nothing, is there?" he mumbled, grabbed the map and scuttled outside.

Ianto moved quickly and pressed the door lock switch as soon as the man was safely out of the building.

* * *

Soft electronic humming broke the silence. Toshiko leaned back in her chair, stared at the monitor and sighed. Ianto was upstairs fielding the occasional question from one of the rare visitors to the information centre. Jack and Owen were heading for the airfield to meet the mystery man, what Toshiko **really **wanted to know, was how the _hell _had he managed to track them? It must have had something to do with her search for Gotham and Joker, but it didn't explain how this Bruce Wayne (whoever he was), had managed to email her directly.

He couldn't have hacked their system, or could he? She shook her head, then pursed her lips, leaning forwards, she murmured, "So how **exactly** did you manage to find us, Mr. Bruce Wayne?"

* * *

Jack leaned casually against the side of the SUV, looking idly up into the sky. Owen paced up and down, sighing a lot and glancing at Jack, hoping for some kind of response.

"Okay, I know I'm going to regret asking, but... what's bothering you?" Jack asked, eyebrows raised.

Owen stopped pacing, then turned to face him, "What's bothering me? How about everything?"

"That narrows it down," Jack murmured, "Okay, just a quick outline, we probably haven't got long."

"That's what's bothering me," Owen grumbled back, folding his arms tightly across his chest, then pursing his lips, his gaze fixed on the ground, head bobbing, he added, "How the hell, can he get here that bloody fast, if he is where he says he is?"

"Looks like we're about to find out," Jack murmured in response, nodding skywards at something black and streamlined, as it approached the runway.

"Bloody hell!" murmured Owen, watching as the plane suddenly lurched towards the ground, then hovered, sedately before slowly levitating forwards, then lowering its self elegantly onto the tarmac.

"Time to meet and greet," Jack said cheerfully, moving away from the SUV.

"Oh yippee, my cup runneth over!" Owen snarked back, then reluctantly followed him towards the edge of the runway.

Jack stopped on the final strip of grass, before it gave way to tarmac, then paused, giving Owen a chance to catch him up.

The plane sat quietly waiting.

"Either my eyes need testing," Owen murmured, suddenly, "Or there's a logo on that thing, that looks like a bloody bat... and I don't mean cricket."

"Just some kind of corporate emblem," Jack said, seemingly dismissing Owen's comments, but his gaze remained fixed on what did, as Owen had commented, look unnervingly like a stylised bat.

The first thing either of them were aware of, was someone suddenly coming into view, seemingly from the far side of the plane. He marched toward them, cape flapping theatrically behind him. His chest seemed to be encased in some kind of body armour, his face partly concealed by a mask- all black.

Owen stared at the approaching figure and groaned, "Oh hell, not another one!"

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Jack murmured in response, then forcing himself to smile confidently, marched towards the approaching figure, ready to shake hands. "Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood... you would be?"

"Batman," the figure announced, shaking his hand, then looking enquiringly towards Owen.

"Doctor Harper, Torchwood," he murmured back, staring, transfixed, at the apparition in front of him.

"I've come to collect the Joker, he's ready to travel, I presume?" Batman asked, looking from one to the other.

Jack nodded, "We'll take you to him, if you'd like to come this way?" he asked, politely, indicating the SUV.

Batman paused for a second, as he didn't know very much about either of the men he was travelling with, it was probably safer if they were both in front of him- where he could see them.

Moving towards the back of the SUV, he turned just in time to see Owen and Jack exchanging glances, they were clearly as unsure of him as he was of them, oddly enough that made him feel less wary- if it was a trap by the Joker (and he still wasn't convinced that it wasn't) he wouldn't have expected them to respond that way.

Owen got into the front passenger seat, glancing through into the back as he fastened his seat belt, the two smiled vaguely at each other, then Owen began to turn away. It was at that point that he noticed that the ears on the man's mask, were being bent over by the roof of the SUV.

He was about to comment that perhaps the seat needed lowering, when the situation got the better of him and instead, he turned his head away quickly, facing forward, at the same time biting his lip in a desperate attempt to stop himself from laughing!

Jack noticed his sudden movement, dipped his head slightly, in an attempt to hide what he was doing from their passenger, then looked at Owen enquiringly.

Owen blinked, then looked pointedly at the rear view mirror.

Realising that there was something he should see, Jack wriggled in his seat, then adjusted the mirror so he had a better view of their passenger. As he tilted the mirror slightly, he got a perfect view of the ears, gulping, he quickly tipped the mirror back to its original position, cleared his throat, and in a slightly shaky voice, said, "Comfortable?"

Batman moved fractionally, trying to avoid altering the seat belt's position any more than he had to, "Yes," he lied, politely.

Jack started up the SUV engine, "Good," he said, cheerfully, glancing at Owen, who was sitting bolt upright in his seat, his gaze fixed on the bonnet.

* * *

As soon as the SUV stopped in it's parking bay, Owen was pushing open the door, and heading for the hub, he couldn't trust himself to wait around and end up watching their passenger as he began to untangle himself from the seatbelt.

"Sorry," he yelled back, "Just remembered, something urgent," then added for good measure, as he hurtled through the doors, "Autopsy."

Jack glared after him, _thanks a lot Owen!_ He thought, as he slowly got out of the SUV, then waited as Batman began to extricate himself from the seat belt.

Batman climbed confidently down into the garage and slammed the door closed, unaware that Jack was silently praying to every deity that he could think of, that the other man wouldn't get his cape caught in the car door, because if he did....

* * *

Pausing as they passed through the armoury, Batman looked around him, clearly impressed with what he saw, "You have quite a collection!"

Jack nodded, briefly, attempting to move him on. "Not bad," he murmured, then suddenly realising that perhaps he should give Owen more time to warn the others what to expect, he glanced around him, trying to pick something he thought would be safe to show their visitor.

* * *

Owen sprinted across the hub, making a strangulated spluttering noise.

Toshiko was halfway towards her desk, arms full of paperwork, Owen passed her, heading towards the autopsy room.

"Are you alright?" she asked, when he didn't answer, she dumped the files onto the coffee table and followed him onto the autopsy landing.

"Owen?"

Owen was leaning against the wall, his back to her, shaking visibly. Tosh stared at him, unsure what she should do, thinking he was upset about something, she finally decided she couldn't leave him like that and moved closer, "Owen? What's wrong?"

Owen looked towards her, tears streaming down his face, he pointed back across the hub, "He's got bloody ears, Tosh," he said, wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand, then shaking his head, "And a cape!"

Toshiko stared at Owen, baffled by his words, she shrugged, "Who has?"

"Batman!" Replied Owen, bending over, in an attempt to stop himself from laughing.

"Batman?" Tosh repeated, "I thought you were going to meet someone called Wayne?"

Owen gulped, "Nope, although it's probably just as well, he would probably have brought his horse with him!"

Baffled, she asked,"Why would he bring a horse?"

"'cos John Wayne was always in Westerns wasn't he? Thought you liked old films!"

"I do, just not Westerns-besides his name is Bruce, not John."

"You sure?" Owen asked, clearly not convinced.

"'fraid so," she said, then added, "So the man who came, is called...."

Jack's voice echoed across the hub, calling her name, she turned, just in time to see Batman, cape billowing behind him, arriving on the top step of the platform.

Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at the figure as it stopped and smiled at her.

Owen, meanwhile was lurking out of sight on the landing, seeing her expression, he turned quickly away, grabbed his lab coat, pulled it on and then sidled behind Toshiko, smiled winningly in Batman's general direction, muttered, "Dissecting something," and rushed down the steps out of the way.

Toshiko was vaguely aware of Owen, announcing something, but she wasn't sure what, her lips moved slightly, as if she was going to say something, but no words formed, she just stood perfectly still, staring at the new arrival.

Finally catching his guest up, Jack took a deep breath, now what? Tosh didn't seem to be showing any signs of responding and he couldn't really cover for her from where he was standing.

"Tosh, you don't happen to know what happened to the file, that these came out of, do you?" Gwen asked, as she arrived through the side door, clutching a handful of forms, "Only I can't...."

Looking up, Gwen was suddenly aware that Toshiko's expression wasn't quite what she would have expected. Puzzled, she followed her line of sight, her mouth dropped slightly, then her lips pursed several times. Wide-eyed, she gulped, then realising she was staring, blinked and attempted to look somewhere else, her gaze hovered briefly on Jack, then moved straight back to Batman.

For once at a loss for words, Jack uttered the first thing that popped into his head, "Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, this... is Batman."

Gwen and Toshiko muttered, "Batman," in unison, then said nothing.

Jack peered up at him, he didn't seem bothered by their reaction-clearly he was used to it!

"Right, well, I'll show you to your prisoner," Jack said, turning back.

Batman nodded briefly at the two women, then turned. A loud screaming from high in the ceiling made him stare upwards, momentarily unnerved by the sound.

"What was that?"

Owen cautiously climbed up the autopsy steps and peered out under the archway, then stopped just behind Toshiko, ducking slightly, so he could use her as cover.

"Pterodactyl," Jack murmured, "She lives in the roof."

Batman peered upwards. "Really? I've got bats," he said, following Jack across the hub and towards the cells.

"I bet he's got a bloody belfry as well!" Owen mumbled.

Toshiko stifled a giggle, then elbowed Owen in the ribs.

"OW! What was that for?" He demanded, backing away.

Tosh turned to face him, smirking, "D'you want a list?"

Owen glared back, then turned away, mumbling something about women and never being able to win.

Toshiko, looked across at Gwen, who was laughing and shaking her head, "I'm surprised you stopped at his ribs- I wouldn't have!"

The two were interrupted by Owen, as he hurtled out of the autopsy room, grabbing his coat on the way.

Gwen stared after him, "Where do you think you're going, Owen Harper?"

Owen turned, back peddling. "As far away from those two as I can get... oh and if one of you can get into the parking bay, lower the back passenger seat." He said, heading for the stairs.

"Why would I want to do that?" Gwen demanded, glancing towards Tosh, who was looking equally puzzled.

Owen paused at the rolling door, and then turned back, "Because if somebody doesn't, I don't think Jack will manage to get those two back to the airport, without getting pulled over for dangerous driving," he said, his hand weaving sideways in a swaying motion. "Batman was sitting in Tosh's seat on the way here," he added, patting his head and grinning.

Toshiko sucked in her bottom lip, in an attempt to stop herself from laughing, "Oh dear!"

"You'd better do it- that seat never liked me trying to alter it!" Gwen said, grinning at Tosh. "You go and sort it out, I'll stay by the armoury and keep an eye out for them."

The two headed across the hub.

* * *

Owen was already in the lift and on his way to the surface.

_Ianto is never going to believe this!_ Thought Owen, wondering how much mileage he could get out of it, before the other man finally resorted to checked the security footage and realised he wasn't lying

Batman- there was no way he was going to believe that!


	3. Chapter 3

The hub slowly settled back into its usual quiet state. Toshiko yawned, watching the security pictures of Jack with Batman and Joker as they talked _endlessly_ about something or other. Turning the sound down to a whisper, she began to flick through what the security cameras in the real world were picking up. Pausing on one, she watched the distant figure of a man as he sat on a bench, feet stretched out in front of him, seemingly lost in thought.

Gwen walked past her, looking around for something. "Tosh, you haven't seen that file we had on... " Leaning over she stared at the monitor the other woman had been watching. "Is that Owen?" She asked, squinting at the screen.

Toshiko looked the other way, trying to hide any interest she may have had in the image. "Wouldn't have thought so, he left ages ago," she mumbled, then added, "Must be at home by now." Moving the position of an empty mug, she turned the sound up on the images coming from the cells, then stared at the monitor.

Gwen laughed, "It is, I'm sure it is, look ... zoom in."

Shuffling uncomfortably, Toshiko gave in and changed the image to a CCTV camera nearer to the seat where he was sitting. "He's on the phone to someone," Gwen said, moving closer to the image. "Who's he talking to?" Curiosity getting the better of her, she looked at Toshiko, not really sure why she though _she_ would know!

"No idea," Toshiko said, her voice neutral (or as neutral as she could manage under the circumstances). "I think that's his business, don't you?" Pursing her lips, she hit the keyboard and the image disappeared.

"Okay, **Owen. **Where the hell is he?" Jack's voice echoed across the Hub as the moved quickly across the walkways, then up onto the platform. "**Owen? **Harper where the hell are you?" Turning towards the workstation, he nodded at Toshiko. "Find Owen, I want him here, stat. Ready to move in five minutes tops."

Toshiko took off her glasses and looked nervously towards him. "He's gone home... I could ring him if you like?"

Jack sighed loudly, "Great! _Thanks Owen._ Where's Ianto?" Automatically turning towards the coffee machine, as he asked.

Gwen's smile flickered briefly in Jack's direction, then she pointed towards the ceiling. "Think he's still up there. Want me to get him to come down?"

"No, you'd better come instead. Tosh, monitor the SUV while we're on the move, anything odd get reinforcements out to us pronto." Turning away, he reached the first part of the walkway before turning back. "And Gwen, I want you armed. The Joker's going out of here in Weevil clamps, but quite frankly I won't be happy until he's off my hands and somewhere outside my airspace."

Grinning, Gwen headed for the armoury, taking her time, she found her handgun of choice, checked it, tucked it in the back of her trousers, then leaned against a table, folded her arms and waited.

The sound of voices, made her turn towards the staircase that came up from the cells. Batman appeared first, closely followed by the Joker, then several feet behind him, Jack.

Standing up, Gwen waited, as the small procession passed the armoury windows then turned in through the open door.

Joker moved his manacled hands around, clearly testing to see how much leeway the clamps would give him. "Very snug," leering at Gwen, he pushed his hands towards her, "Don't you think? Care to check them?"

"No thanks," she said, coldly. Nodding at Jack as he passed, she joined the end of the line, following the others into the garage.

* * *

The SUV made good time, they had managed to miss the rush hour traffic. Jack glanced at his watch, with luck they would be at the airfield in less than five minutes, the sooner the better as far as he was concerned. Batman hadn't been terribly chatty about their prisoner, come to think of it he had said very little about anything! Glancing in his driving mirror, he asked, "So, how long before you get back to... Gotham?"

Before Batman had chance to say anything, Joker's voice answered instead, "Oh, well, we fly like... well like a bat out of **hell**," he grinned inanely at the mirror, leaning forward and straining against the seatbelt. "He can't tell you anything else, it's all top secret." Shushing loudly, he whispered theatrically. "If he did he'd have to shoot you... 'course I could be helpful and do it instead." Slumping back into the seat, he sniffed loudly. "Oh, moon and June and a gal with a **gun, **what more could a fella want!"

Gwen moved uncomfortably in the front passenger seat, it wasn't often that someone un-nerved her, but this Joker did! "Are you sure you'll be able to get him safely back on your own?" she asked, more for something to say than anything else.

Joker made a sucking noise through his teeth, glanced at Batman and then shrugged. "Unfortunately for me, bat for brains probably will. Don't suppose we could have some fresh air in here could we? It's getting a little **dank**."

Batman's expression remained as it had throughout the journey from the cells and into the SUV- expressionless. "The air is fine." He said, clearly and precisely.

"Wooo, it spoke! It's _alive,_" Joker leaned towards him, "I think!"

Closing her eyes, Gwen attempted to block out the Joker's endless chatter, her head was beginning to ache and if he made just **one more** stupid comment, she would happily punch him and argue the toss with Batman later on. "Don't you _ever_ shut up?" She asked, wearily.

"Unfortunately- no," Joker looked impatiently towards Batman. "I keep telling him, that people really don't appreciate a chatterbox, but does he listen? **Nope.**"

The turn off for the airfield appeared, Jack heaved a sigh of relief and hauled at the steering wheel, the SUV lurched sideways and bounced as it sped down the narrow road. The sudden change of direction took Joker by surprise and he banged his head against the window. "Do you mind?" he yelled loudly, "That hurt!"

"Oh dear! How sad, never mind," Jack yelled back, then hit the accelerator hard, the SUV lurched yet again and began to sway gently.

Jack hit the brakes, the SUV screeched to a halt, they were now back where they had started from. Batman's plane was still on the runway, where he had left it. Before Jack had time to comment, he had pushed open the door and was outside, moving quickly round to the other side of the car, swung open the door and was hauling Joker out onto the grass.

"Ooh rough! Did you see that?" Joker squeaked, then dusting himself off, straightened up and was about to say something else when Batman grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off towards the plane.

Gwen and Jack followed them for a short distance, then stopped and waited.

Stopping on the edge of the runway, Batman turned back, "Thank you for your assistance, I appreciate it." Then turned and moved towards the plane, Joker (as ever) complaining all the way.

Gwen watched, wearily, as the two walked away. "I don't suppose I could shoot him now, could I? Just say it was an accidental discharge?"

"You might appreciate him, I damned well don't," Joker grumbled, as Batman triggered the doors to open and pushed him inside.

Batman's plane left as enigmatically as it had arrived. Jack and Gwen stood in silence watching as it circled the airfield, then headed off over the bay.

Jack turned back towards the SUV. "Next time Owen finds somebody with false teeth in their pocket, do me a favour, don't tell me."

"Only if you let me shoot him first," Gwen said, smirking.

"You feel the need to shoot Owen, go right ahead. I take it you did mean Owen?" Jack got into the driving seat of the SUV and closed the door, then waited for Gwen.

"Well I'd hardly want to shoot somebody with false teeth in their pocket now would I?" Laughing, she pulled the seatbelt on and relaxed, as Jack manoeuvred them back towards the road.

**The End.**


End file.
